fillosophy

Tonight I went to a bar in downtown, it was late, Wednesday, and the place was packed full of random people, as expected… after all, it is the Gaslamp, San Diego, the spring time… and I ended up having a conversation with the praised “Mystery”, author of “The Mystery Method”, recently featured on Conan O’Brien talking about his book and the art of getting gorgeous women into bed.

First let me tell you about Erik, stage named Mystery. He’s a tall lengthy liberated guy, black nail polished, pretty outrageously outfitted lengthy ‘bro’ with a knack for talk and definitely large following. He gets paid, apparently, to hold seminars for guys, wherein he teaches them (much like Hitch) how to pick up on women in a club/bar/wherever setting, and then they all go out and try their hand at simply getting laid, or hooking up… whatever.

Now, in the brief 30 minutes that I talked with this guy, I didn’t say too much… Something I learned a long time ago is to let the charismatic dig themselves into a trench so you can fill in the hole they’ve dug with a few small scoops. Oh! I’ve let on to my conclusion; I’m trying to remain unbiased, until I drop the hammer on this cat. Anyhow, he spoke for the majority, and of course the conversation was randomly interrupted every few minutes or so when he got distracted by a set of tits, or some random 2 through 9 scaled bar skeeze. During this time, he explained to me the meaning of life, which of course is “to procreate”, not in his quote, but in mine – I think he said “spread your seed” or “make babies” something to that shallow effect. It was pretty simple and quick to see that Erik appeals to the masses by over generalization, and associating to the common low-life. Before I start to gun this fool down; he made some interesting points about the primitive tell tale signs from a woman when you’re coming onto her… and he put it in terms of ape-like grooming; interesting analogy, but the hair flipping example was quite convincing… Not sure if I’d compare women to primates just yet, I mean, I’ve said my pieces about how shallow I think we’ve all become in our shop-til-you-drop society, but I’m not sure I’ve gone so far as to say we haven’t evolved from monkeys enough just yet to not act like them when we’re in a social environment.

So we were outside talking it up, and he tried to get me to go inside with him on the prowl, pick up a few “targets” and try my hand at his methods, I just looked at him. “You gotta be kidding”, I said.

“Oh c’mon man, this is why we’re all here. We go out to places like this to meet women, socialize, and put ourselves out there, using that inner pick up artist we all have inside of us…”, Erik replied.

I shifted myself from leaning against the railing with my left elbow, to my right, “Not all of us.”

“Why are you here?”, he looked perplexed, like it was the first time he ever came across a guy that was more complicated than a simple caveman out in the “field” looking to score a piece of ass from some shallow whore at a club on a weekday.

I leaned forward, “Simply to be here… home was boring”.

Now, I’m not sure exactly what this guy was thinking at this point. I mean, I wasn’t all that puzzled by why I would be at a bar in downtown, hell that’s where I go, I hang out from time to time at VIP spots, just to get a decent drink and talk it up with friends. Sue me. It’s like going to a coffee shop and talking philosophy with the people you’re with to have a good time. What fun is it going out with goals and agendas? That’s what work is for. So off he scampered, and he got about 10 feet into the door when he stopped at these two skirts, started to strike up some horrible conversation. “What nationality are you?” I looked at my friend and just laughed. Sorry, but unless you’re from San Diego, you might not get it. San Diego is the Mecca for all those “not from here”, and that’s the lowest level conversation starter you can pick. Maybe that was the idea, perhaps he so coy that he doesn’t need to try anymore, sure. It gets better.

So he comes back, 15… maybe 20 minutes later. I’m still standing outside, perched against the railing, leaning on my left elbow. I did what I normally do to people that lose my interest, I ignored him. For those of you that are reading this that have had the pleasure of losing my interest, you know exactly how that works. After a few minutes, I look over at his conversation with a girl from Guam, I know this because he used the same line on her as he did the other dame. And he brushes her off, to lean into conversation to me about the three stages of a pick-up.

I called bullshit in my head the second I heard him say it; but then again, the caliber of women he’s using his shit against aren’t exactly college level graduates, and if they are, they’re simply too stupid to realize what’s going on, and even more so, aren’t worth much if they fall for it. Maybe I’m too picky, perhaps my superiority complex is a little over the top, and then he asked me, pointing to my friend who was with me, “How long you two been hanging out?”

I look at my buddy, “Ten years?”

My friend replies to him, “Ten, maybe eleven years.”

“So is he your wing man? You guys go out and score often?” Erik pried.

My friend just looked at him and said, “No. We get women by talking to them like people”.

I’m not even sure the guy stuck around long enough to hear the entire sentence, but Erik’s friend (we’ll just call him Whoeverthefuck) caught it, and he was fucking boggled. “So… which one of you guys usually goes in for the kill?”

You gotta be fucking kidding me. Thank god I wasn’t in the mood to talk to this freak, or I would have had a field day, so my friend replied, “Neither of us, man, we just dominate.”

“Oh really?”, Whoeverthefuck said.

I just laughed and turned my back to the guy. My friend says, “Yep!”

Anyhow, a little side story narrative of my evening with Erik Von Markovik, the author of “The Mystery Method”. Just by meeting this guy, I’d say, if you’re into shallow whores without the ability to formulate their own opinions; who are codependent; and who are grotesquely predictable to the point of being compared to with apes… Get the book, its available on Amazon. I won’t be buying it, I believe in treating people like people with respect until proven worthy of otherwise; and I require substance in the relationships I build with others, not some formulated systematic three step process that’ll allow me to go plug holes in drunk chicks all night with my man-hammer.

Cheers, “Mystery”. You got my vote for one of the smartest idiots I’ve ever met. Congratulations on your successes.

enrique
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