Yes…I have cheated. Was is the right decision in dealing with my situation? No. In fact, it is something I did one time and have not done again since. So your statement of “once a cheater, always a cheater”..I call bullshit on that one.

Humans have the ability to make decisions in their actions. I decided that what I did made me feel like shit, so I decided it isn’t going to happen again. And it hasn’t. People tend to make change sound much more difficult than it is…sometimes impossible. But that is a farce. It is possible. If a person truly wants to be different or deal with something entirely differently, then it CAN happen.

So why did I do it? That one I can concur with you. My relationship lacks attention and appreciation. I give my husband three children, gain an extra 30 pounds, and all of a sudden after 11 years of marriage, I am worthless because I am no longer a size 8. Being a size 12 after 3 kids is apparantly a sin. I wanted to feel wanted. Does this mean I don’t love my husband? Absolutely not. It meant that I didn’t love myself. I was with someone that I had given my life to and he didn’t want me because I didn’t do housework right and I had gained weight from having kids. Day after day I got to hear about what I needed to change about myself. I slip deeper and deeper into a very dangerous depression. And looking in the mirror and saying, “You’re a super person!” just wasn’t helping. I looked to other methods. Was this the right method? Was talking with another man about my relationship the right thing to do? Was wanting to hear another man tell me that I am still beautiful after three kids a good thing? No. But let me tell you, it made me feel normal.

So I broke a vow. And it started with him breaking his. For better or worse…to love, honor and cherish. He wouldn’t have shown me love if his life depended on it because looking at a 5′6 160 lb wife sickened him. His superficial ideas of what I was supposed to be as he threw pictures of me when I was 16 that he still carries in his wallet today, tore me down to nothing every day. And I was supposed to submit and accept that yes, I was not desireable. I was not meant to be shown affection or love.

Did we go to counseling? We did once or twice. He really didn’t care for an outsider telling him that he was insane with the expectations that he had. And then I was the bitch for bringing up our “dirty laundry.” Um..isn’t that what this is for?

So we stopped communicating. He never showed interest in my day or my interests. He never came in the house and acknowledged me with a hug or a kiss. And why? Because he was too wrapped up in his idea of how he had a fat wife that did nothing but lie in her bed upstairs and cry or sleep….DEPRESSION.

Now I’m in therapy. Have been for about 6 months. And when the whole thing of me being with someone else came out, (we won’t get into that one) he couldn’t even see that he did have some role in the decision I made. He won’t accept any responsibility in what drove me to my decision, wrong or not.

So now because of what I’ve done, he is supposed to leave me and never look back. 12 years of our lives together, 3 kids, and he is supposed to just drop me like a bad habit? Again…your solution is as you are writing like the one that has been cheated on. You have to admit, everyone has a different situation. This solution drives the divorce rate up even further. Whether you like it or not, marriage, relationships, they take WORK. REAL WORK. Humans make mistakes. And if people truly want to change and make things work, then yes, forgiveness can happen; change can happen; love can be rediscovered between 2 people. People can learn from their mistakes if they choose to.

Changing the paradigm of how people choose to cheat rather than face the real problems in their relationships is key. Looking to another for what you are missing in your current relationship has become all too easy. Happiness is created when BOTH people work for it. Even a dog will stop coming to you if you kick it every time it comes around. So it’s time to change the paradigm in how relationships are handled. It’s time to take a look at the morals that are missing and those that are still there yet faint and fading. We can build it back up to where marriage and relationships are more than just the “right thing to do when we found out we were pregnant” or “he was kinda cute and good in bed so ya I kept him around for a minute.”

And for those of you like me that have made this bad decision more than once and more than a few times, take a look at who you are for a minute. Find out what will make you happy. Because I guarantee you aren’t going to find it in the eyes, arms, or bed of another person.